haven't been posting updates recently... feels pointless when there's nothing to report.

i dunno. gonna be anxious pretty much this whole week, because i have 2 essays due and 1 project and general work for the literary magazine. gonna be spending most of my energy trying not to fall into the procrastination-anxiety-procrastination spiral, or to limit that spiral enough that i still scrape by.

also, i realized i forgot to link the one fic i did for chocolate box here, so i'll try to do that later. still working on a chocbox treat, because i liked it a lot and got 3k into it. i'm not concerned with lateness, just with "will i ever finish this" (haven't actually worked on it since february)

also have 2 zero escape fics i've started on, but idk if i'll actually make progress on either

and then there's the hypmic fic i posted a snippet of yesterday. wrote 347 more words of that today.

i just... i don't know, man. about anything. school, writing, the future. except that i should probably stop posting at 6am all the time. might mean less posts written while anxious.

at least my classes tomorrow are cancelled (water leak in the building, apparently?) and my essay deadline was pushed to wednesday.

today i wrote 614 words, and hit my 6.3k wordcount goal for January! it's nice to actually be on pace :D

current exchange fic wordcounts (unfinished):
-Past Imperfect Treat: 1890
-Chocolate Box Treat #1: 3222 (this one is becoming a monster...)
-Chocolate Box Assignment: 0 (still in brainstorming phase! there's so many different things i could write... maybe i'll do more than one??)

today's writing was all on the past imperfect treat, because if at all possible i'd like to finish that by reveals day (feb 2nd). i'm not entirely sure where i'd like it to go next, though. hmmmm. well, i do have a few days to figure it out.

as a bonus: i will be getting a whole 8 hours of sleep tonight B)

bandori report: just full combo'd Wacha-Mocha Pettan March on expert! still working on expert PICO! 

spent a few hours tonight signing up for chocolate box! at the end i had to prioritize & drop a few requests because it was getting close to the signup deadline, but i'm pleased with my set of requests & offers :3. and i'm excited to see what i'll be assigned to write (and excited to write treats, too!) all of my main fandoms right now (danganronpa, boku no hero academia, zero escape) have prompts for me to play with -- well, for zero escape there's just one (other than mine) but danganronpa and bnha have a bunch! 

been having intermittent bursts of dysphoria tonight, which is inconvenient. i don't want to think about Gender Troubles right now, i want to write fanfiction! :P

also, i'm hoping to coerce my younger brother into playing zero escape. we like to play mystery games together -- well, to be specific, we like to urge each other to play mystery games we like. (previous examples being danganronpa and ace attorney, though regrettably i've still only played the first two AA games.) unfortunately he starts school tomorrow, so that'll cut into his free time. but i definitely would want to see his reactions to 999, at the very least.

a week past new year's, here are some of my new year's thoughts. 

i don't really believe in new year's resolutions for myself. whether or not they work for other people isn't for me to say, but for me there's not any significant change in either motivation or results, so i don't really attempt to make them, in general. 

that said, i do have one goal for the year of 2019: write 75,000 words total, in accordance with my Light pledge goal over on getyourwordsout . this averages to about 205 words per day, which seems feasible. i just need to put in the effort.

i also have a few more short-term goals:
-write at least one treat for Past Imperfect (deadline: reveals day, Feb 2nd)
-complete my assignment for Chocolate Box (deadline: posting deadline, Feb 7th)
-bonus goal: write one or more treats for Chocolate Box (deadline: reveals day, Feb 14th)

i've fallen behind in my bullet journal, as i have a habit of doing during holidays. not sure whether my main issue with bullet journalling is my executive dysfunction, lack of motivation, difficulty staying organized, or if deep down i don't care and don't want to bother.

(but on a day to day basis i often "don't want to bother" even when it comes to things i know i actually value. so. not sure how to fix that one.)

 well, i meant to sign up for past_imperfect (a time travel-centric multifandom exchange), but last night i felt bad and so didn't do it, and then today i meant to but i got distracted because i went out with friends. oh well! i'll def endeavor to treat and/or pinch-hit though, because some of those prompts were delicious.

which, idk. might be a good idea anyway? this summer i defaulted on several exchanges in a row, and i just felt terrible because, it used to be that the Assignment and the Deadline would be enough motivation to at least write a fic at the last minute (bc i procrastinate a lot but i used to be deadline-driven), but then that fell through this summer and i just hit the default button instead, so if the deadline is no longer motivating i don't know what to do... i was feeling pretty enthusiastic about past-imperfect but then, yanno, not enough to sign up in time, lmao. but i will write something for it! because time travel! :D

i want to re-invigorate myself when it comes to writing... i wrote one treat for Trick or Treat (link; it's a danganronpa talentswap fic), but i haven't written much outside of that, aside from some stuff i wrote for class this semester. 

so! goal is to write at least one treat or pinch hit for past-imperfect. also maybe yuletide but i'm super stoked about time travel tropes so that has more of my attention right now.