new nightmare unlocked
Nov. 18th, 2023 06:49 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
graveexcitementfor the last two months i've been working as a paraeducator (or para) at a local middle school. my job entails being an in-class tutor & assistant to kids who are in some way "special needs" who have been placed in general education classrooms.
yesterday i got an email that was basically like "hey, we had reports that a kid claimed they had a gun, we investigated thoroughly and the kid did not have one on their person, in their locker, etc., everyone's safe"
and i read that and my reaction was basically like "kid, what did you expect would happen if you go around saying that?" and then i almost completely forgot about it.
until i had a nightmare about it!
discussion of mass shootings below the cut (not graphic)
in the dream i was at a summer camp -- this summer i worked at one and it was awesome -- and two of the developmentally disabled kids i work closely with at school were there.
all was well until suddenly there were screams and we had to run. we (me and the two kids) ran inside a building (a rather large and complex one given this was supposedly a summer camp, but that's dreams for you) to hide. one of the kids pissed themself and some of it got on me and the combination of the smell and my own fear had me dry heaving for a moment.
then the all-clear was called. i took the kids to the nurse for a change of clothes. then i realized that i wanted my own clothes washed too so i ran back to my cabin to change.
then i woke up.
the nightmare could have been much worse. me and my kids were fine, just scared, and if anyone else was hurt, i didn't see them.
but now i'm awake and i'm just thinking about what if it happened in real life.
it's probably unlikely. the building security seems pretty good; during the school day all exterior doors are locked and to get in the office has to buzz you in and even once you're inside you have to go through the office first (no other doors will open from that side.)
but still. what if, what if. would they listen without question when i told them to run. they can be stubborn sometimes. one of them is always talking and i'm always telling them to be quiet while teachers are talking. would i have to tell them over and over to be quiet while we hid.
there's a lot of shit i have not received training for with this job (my training was a week of shadowing the para whose duties i would be taking over) and now i'm realizing that i also don't know what the building's lockdown procedures are.
what if.
i should try to sleep. very glad it's the weekend so i can both get some more sleep (i usually wake up around now on weekdays) and so that i don't have to be at school today.
yesterday i got an email that was basically like "hey, we had reports that a kid claimed they had a gun, we investigated thoroughly and the kid did not have one on their person, in their locker, etc., everyone's safe"
and i read that and my reaction was basically like "kid, what did you expect would happen if you go around saying that?" and then i almost completely forgot about it.
until i had a nightmare about it!
discussion of mass shootings below the cut (not graphic)
in the dream i was at a summer camp -- this summer i worked at one and it was awesome -- and two of the developmentally disabled kids i work closely with at school were there.
all was well until suddenly there were screams and we had to run. we (me and the two kids) ran inside a building (a rather large and complex one given this was supposedly a summer camp, but that's dreams for you) to hide. one of the kids pissed themself and some of it got on me and the combination of the smell and my own fear had me dry heaving for a moment.
then the all-clear was called. i took the kids to the nurse for a change of clothes. then i realized that i wanted my own clothes washed too so i ran back to my cabin to change.
then i woke up.
the nightmare could have been much worse. me and my kids were fine, just scared, and if anyone else was hurt, i didn't see them.
but now i'm awake and i'm just thinking about what if it happened in real life.
it's probably unlikely. the building security seems pretty good; during the school day all exterior doors are locked and to get in the office has to buzz you in and even once you're inside you have to go through the office first (no other doors will open from that side.)
but still. what if, what if. would they listen without question when i told them to run. they can be stubborn sometimes. one of them is always talking and i'm always telling them to be quiet while teachers are talking. would i have to tell them over and over to be quiet while we hid.
there's a lot of shit i have not received training for with this job (my training was a week of shadowing the para whose duties i would be taking over) and now i'm realizing that i also don't know what the building's lockdown procedures are.
what if.
i should try to sleep. very glad it's the weekend so i can both get some more sleep (i usually wake up around now on weekdays) and so that i don't have to be at school today.
